Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
