i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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