we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
