a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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