Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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