She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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