Sry I called you an 8
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
