Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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