He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
