We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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