don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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