Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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