I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
