don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
