It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
