You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
