meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm like, not good at living.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
