____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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