Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
