you turned your livingroom into a bong?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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