I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
