We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
