It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
