Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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