Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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