meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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