I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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