Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Buhtt sex?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
