you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
