Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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