I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
