I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
