I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
