I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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