apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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