I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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