I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
