at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
