i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
no more duck duck goose at the bar
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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