I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
