he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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