my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
