I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
