Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
