she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Randomize
