so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
