I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
