HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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