It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
