the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
