Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
