We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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