In the future we'll all be gay
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
